I’m not a B#@ch, I’m just Direct
September 02, 2015
I’m a very direct person. Some people think it’s refreshing and appreciate it while others think it’s abrasive and they are potentially scared by it. The thing is, I defend it. I don’t make excuses for it, it’s who I am…or who I’ve become.
I defend my directness because people know how I feel and where I stand. My intention is always to make things clear, to fix or to get things done – both personally and professionally. My intentions are positive.
In most cases, my ability to be direct leads to greater trust, authenticity, honesty, and stronger relationships. I find that people want to talk to you, tell you more, and in return share more when you say it like it is. Sounds positive, doesn’t it?
I care about people. I want people to like me just like anyone else. I’m not convinced that by being a people pleaser and saying what you think people want to hear gets you anywhere in life – in or outside of the office. I think you can get your message across while still being caring and compassionate.
Examples of why people avoid being direct
- In general people don’t like conflict
- Anxiety of not being accepted
- Worry that you could be hurting somebody’s feelings
- Fear of appearing foolish by asking questions to better understand
- Fear of telling someone how you feel
Positives of being direct
- It’s authentic
- You are establishing respect for yourself and others – It’s more honest
- Saves yourself and others time, energy and money – GET TO THE POINT
- Drives a connection with the person that might surprise you
Considerations on how to become direct
- Be compassionate about it: Ask yourself what you are feeling and thinking. Make sure your feelings are matching with what you are planning to say. If your feelings are too emotional to deliver your message diplomatically, give yourself more time to think through what you want to say and revisit the conversation.
- Buddha tells you to ask yourself, “Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it true?” Hopefully this will help you think about what you want to say and will assist in eliminating a message out of anger and frustration.
- Make it about ‘I’: Speaking in terms of “I” rather than “you” can have a very positive affect in both delivery and receipt of the message “
- “I need to receive feedback from you on a regular basis in order to understand how I’m performing” rather than “You don’t give me feedback and I never know how I’m doing.”
- Face to face is always better when it is a sensitive topic and emotions are in play. People soften their demeanor in person – conversations are usually much more positive. A phone conversation is ok when face to face isn’t possible. Never have tough conversations over email or text. Just don’t do it.
I’d love to have you share some examples of how you’ve been direct and how you’ve been successful. Tweet us @Norbella !